By Ng Tze Yong

SINGAPOREANS love to complain. That much we know.

But these days, we seem to have found a new grouse: Foreigners and their strange habits.

Whether it is talking loudly on the bus, standing too close to us on the MRT, spitting, picnicking in the dark or holding hands when they shouldn't be, Singaporeans react with disgust and a tsk-tsk of the tongue.

But it's different strokes for different folks. What are our own quirks? How will others see us?

This holiday season, before you take off, leave these bad habits behind.

It's our turn to give the foreigners a break.

THE 'SINGAPORE IS BETTER' MENTALITY

When we are in Singapore, everything is bad. When we are overseas, everything in Singapore is better. Weird, huh?

PATTING SEATS

No one knows why we pat seats.

Whichever way you do it, whether it is giving the seat a few dainty pats or one eardrum-bursting whack, one wonders what it achieves, other than sending a puff of dust into your nostrils and heralding the onset of bronchitis.

For Singaporeans, however, seat-patting provides a kind of comfort, a therapeutic act that brings a few moments of unexplainable pleasure.

FANNING AWAY CIGARETTE SMOKE

We love inhaling clouds of dust from dirty seats, but we draw the line at nicotine.

At the first whiff of second-hand smoke, the non-smoking Singaporean gives a snort like he just smelled a cow breaking wind and frantically commences to give his nose a thorough fanning.

'CHOPING' TABLES WITH TISSUE PAPER

Another Uniquely Singapore trait, it is an honour code forged in the war zones of lunchtime Raffles Place.

Like queuing overnight, it is an ingenious method that is egalitarian and avoids conflict.

If Darwin were alive, he would be interested in examining its evolutionary ties to the behaviour of dogs, who mark territory in a remarkably similar fashion.

But Darwin is, of course, dead, and the origins of this peculiar habit looks set to forever remain a mystery.

QUEUING OVERNIGHT

People can say what they want, but we are a people who know what we want and how to get it.

In this aspect, queuing overnight is generally considered one of the best ways to get your hands on elusive prizes such as iPhones, National Day parade tickets and Hello Kitty dolls.

The method appeals to Singaporeans because it is egalitarian, efficient and avoids conflicts.

It is also splendidly brainless work, requiring only perseverance and a good radio.

OTHER BAD HABITS

# Not clearing trays

# Changing lanes without signalling

# Taking free hotel shampoo

# Refusing to tip

# Taking 'the one at the bottom'

# Saying 'so cheap! so cheap!' everywhere

Illustrations: Cel Gulapa
This article was first published in The New Paper on Dec 12, 2008.