HOW often have you lamented: 'Ah, if only we could get away'?

Or you might have heard that from other office slaves, especially during holiday seasons.

But while it may seem grim to mind the fort while almost everyone else is away, going on vacation could be a minefield for the unwary.

Getting further away may seem like paradise, especially with your loved one - that beach hotel on the Cote d'Azur or an idyllic island in the Greek archipelago for a glorious week or two...

But periods of unstructured time - the break from routine - can play havoc with relationships.

If you are used to having time apart, being together all day, every day, for several days can send the best relationship into an acrimonious tailspin.

Let's face it. Some relationships survive, not so much in spite of, but because of, the regular absence of one partner on business trips.

Absence really can make the heart grow fonder.

Couples on vacation are often put in a proximity and an interdependence for which they may not know how to deal with without a script.

They suddenly realise they have little in common with their partner and the time they spend together is either spent proving who is right, or blaming each other, rather than enjoying their time together.

This is why some people opt for what the travel trade calls a home-based vacation instead - not necessarily staying at home, but staying over for a night or two at nearby hotels or resorts and splurging on fine dining: simply an extravagant extension of normal life.

Ms Jackie Walker, a relationship coach based in Edinburgh, said that the periods just after a vacation are peak times for couples to seek relationship counselling or initiate divorce proceedings.

'Vacations are stress times for relationships,' she said.

'Many couples take a holiday in the hope of reviving a floundering relationship, but it's the late summer that I get a high level of inquiries for counselling - the divorce lawyers are busy at that time too.'

So if you have been burying your head in the sand about relationship problems, long, hot, leisurely days can allow time to show up something is very wrong.

'That affects a lot of people,' Ms Walker said.

'But sometimes, it can be helpful to recognise the things you need to change about your life so as to feel happier all year round.'

She added that there are three parts to a relationship.

'There is him, there is her, and there's the relationship. And very often, the third part is forgotten.

' People work on the assumption of 'I'm doing this' and 'I'm doing that' and forget about the 'we' part.'

If you are used to having time apart in your daily lives, allow for this when you are on holiday, Ms Walker said.

Vacations are a good time for taking stock and reflecting upon our lives.

When away from routine, there should be a new division of privileges and responsibilities, and a rediscovering of each individual's role.

If you are still thinking of taking a holiday this year, here are some tips for 'proofing' your relationship:

# Decide what you both want out of a holiday and agree on joint or separate activities.

# Give each other space.

# Agree on who takes responsibility for what: booking flights, hotel and car rental.

# Agree on a budget and who's paying for what.

Try something different. If you always do beach holidays, try a rural retreat, somewhere quiet to go and walk and talk, or an activity holiday with friends.

A lot of the pleasure is in the expectation. But, be realistic. Expect the unexpected, and for things to go wrong.

Lastly, if all else fails and if you are still having second thoughts, you may want to consider going on the holiday without your partner. At least you'll come home to a revitalised relationship.

This article was first published in The New Paper on August 31, 2008.